It Has Happened. . .

I resolved to embarrass myself by blogging about my tirades when they happened in 2008. Well, today it happened. Ok, Ok, maybe, the phone call I made to "Patrick" at Starbucks on the 13th telling him that he indeed did not serve me Casi Cielo, but rather a blend of Yukon and Christmas qualified as my first. Christmas blend for crying out loud - it was January 13th. The conversation went something like this: "Hi, could I speak to the manager." High-pitched, but still male voice-"This is the assistant to the assistant chief barista's shift leader, will that do?" "Are you in charge of making the brewed coffee?" "Oh, honey, sure am, made it all myself this morning." "My name's not honey" "Oh, sorry, hun." Rolling my eyes with disgust-"Then you would know the answer to my question." "Shoot!" tee-hee-hee "Are you sure that the coffee marked Casi Cielo is really Casi Cielo?" "Absolutely, I went to Guatemala myself and after drying the green beans for 4 days over a spit, I placed them in a burlap sack and carted them on to the ship's container, where I remained by their side across the Adriatic Sea and over the Himalayans to port in Cuba, where Fidel's men farted on them before roasting them in conjunction with the lighting of their cigars." "So, the farting would explain the taste I'm experiencing. Oh, and you might consider brushing up on your geography." Tee-hee-hee "Yeah, so again, are you pause S-U-R-E?" "Maybe, just maybe, we accidentally threw in a little Christmas Blend, since we ran out of Casi Cielo." "EXCUSE ME, you good for nothing mixologist. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF WEARING THE BARISTA APRON. First, you have the audacity to assure me that the coffee you served me was what was on the chalkboard, and now you insult my intelligence by offering that you threw in a little Christmas Blend?" "We really didn't think anyone would notice." "Then, clearly you haven't met my PALATE!!!" "So, we might have. . ." "THROWN IN A LITTLE YUKON WITH THE CHRISTMAS BLEND? YOU DO KNOW THAT THESE TWO COFFEES DO NOT BLEND WELL, THAT THEY HAVE TWO DISTINCT FLAVORS THAT WERE NEVER INTENDED TO BE CONSIDERED A MERITAGE AND WERE NEVER INTENDED TO BE PUT IN MY STARBUCKS TRAVEL MUG - YOU INGRATE!!!" "Tomorrow, when you come in, ask for Patrick and we'll give you a free cup." "YOU BET YOUR MOMMA'S BINGO ALLOWANCE YOU'LL GIVE ME A FREE CUP. YOU ARE GONNA PAY PATRICK. YOU ARE GONNA PAY!!!" Silence Thank goodness, Patrick had hung up on me. Thank goodness that I listened to my inner-psychologist and didn't ask for Patrick the next day for fear that the police were lurking in the ficus waiting on CRAZY CAFFEINE-ADDICT to strike. Anyway, on to today. While my loving wife was doing me a favor and helping me out with directions over the phone after my fancy PDA's GPS wasn't working to tell me where I needed to be, I slightly raised my voice with her when she gave me directions that were completely without logic. After I only slightly increased my decibel levels, she told me to consider conjugal visits with my own persona. Can you believe the nerve of her? Hey - Blogger programmers, could you figure out how to make an even smaller font?